just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
our cab driver is having phone sex.
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
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