i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
Randomize
