I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
Randomize
