I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
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