Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
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I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
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He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
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