i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
Randomize
