Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
Randomize
