Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
Randomize
