I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
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Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
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Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
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