Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
Randomize
