No awkward lesbian experiences without me
If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
Randomize
