seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable.
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
Randomize