also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
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