I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
Randomize