Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
Randomize
