matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
If I die, sorry about rent.
Randomize
