Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
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