I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
Randomize
