bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
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