awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
Randomize