You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I got inside last night via doggy door
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize