I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
I didn't notice because vodka
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
Randomize
