My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
Far right against the wall..hiding come find me. dont tell oyhers hahaha
just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
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