This girl is more easily done than said...
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
Randomize
