dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
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