My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
whose parrot is this?
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
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