brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
Randomize
