Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
yea..i want to get out of new york for a bit too but for the love of god not to new jersey. that's like getting tired of the stripclub and getting yourself a toothless prostitute.
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
Randomize
