I would go down on you faster than GM stock
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
