Can I ask u a weird question?
Sure
do u have the hershy squirts too?
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Randomize
