So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
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