At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
Randomize
