Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
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