isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
The air was thick with penises
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
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