the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
Just took my morning after pill in the library
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
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