Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
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