That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
Randomize
