Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
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