2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
Randomize
