well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
Randomize
