shes about as inviting as chlamydia
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
