The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
