..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
He told me I remind him of his sister...
Was this before or after you did it?
before... I mean, it's been a long time. I just tried not to think of it during.
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
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