i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
Randomize
