woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
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