im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
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