I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
Randomize
