oh god the rape fog is back!
Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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