No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
Randomize
