So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
Randomize
