When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
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