Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
Randomize
