you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
i've created a new STD.
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
Randomize
