I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
Randomize
