my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
Btw I puked in your glovebox
Randomize
