lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
you mean i was at the winter classic?
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
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