Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
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He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
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I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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