Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
Randomize
