You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
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