i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
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