at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
Randomize
