Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
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