i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
third nipple confirmed
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
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