I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
i need to put some appletini on your dick
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
Randomize
