my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
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