I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
areolas are like halos for boobs.
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
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