Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
Randomize
