here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
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