Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize
