and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
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