around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
Randomize
