coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
Randomize
