Porn is love you can see.
I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
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