He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
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