I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
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